Mark Millar Announces Long Deceased CITIZEN KANE Director Orson Welles Will Bring KICK ASS 2 To The Silver Screen

Orson Welles, Mark Millar
And people wonder why capital P pacifist Grant Morrison longs to run this man over with an automobile?

Late last night, Mark Millar answered a question via his Formspring account about the seemingly stagnant state of affairs for the follow-up to the film adaptation of his relatively well received creator owned series, KICK ASS. After months of sequel speculation and worries original director Matthew Vaughn would be too busy charting the ongoing “will they or won’t they” romantic saga of Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr, there’s finally been a breakthrough.

Orson Welles, most notable for voicing Unicron in TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE, has allegedly signed on to helm the continuing adventures of Kick Ass, Hit Girl, and Hot Topic McLovin’. Welles has been dead for a quarter of a century, having passed away roughly five years before Mark Millar’s first published work. Nonetheless, the always outspoken Millar is still excited about the potential for their collaboration.

“Tupac’s been dead for years, innit?” said Millar in a recent Newsarama interview. “He still releases music every year. Orson made Citizen Kane, for god’s sake. Yer gonna tell me he can’t do this?”

Needless to say, it’ll be interesting to see what the man who made Charlton Heston a Mexican in TOUCH OF EVIL will do with an eleven year old girl who likes to stab people.

Vertigo Zombies: Swamp Thing

Lost in the annals of time due to a rather large dispute with creators at the time was the event known as Vertigo Zombies. DC, who was gaining ground with it’s more artistic but less public friendly books, premiered Vertigo Zombies as a way to get the average comic reader to read Vertigo books pairing the Vertigo book characters with a fight against the undead hordes. Ultimately the normal artists and writers rebelled, for the most part, so Vertigo went out of house to create the books. The normal series creators ended up threatening to sue the company so the issues were never published but they were finished.
Join us this week though as we look at the covers and discuss what never was with Vertigo Zombies.

Vertigo Zombies: Swamp Thing

As the Swamp Thing tries to bone (wood?) Abigail Arcane the undead attack a small town 20 miles away. Since Swamp Thing and abigail and her friends and family are attending a small picnic in the swamp, brought there by Swamp Thing, none of the people are concerned or even away of the undead assault. The comic rotates between images of the pleasant picnic along with scenes of vicious feasting on the dead representing the disconnect of news that happened in the 90’s. By the time the picnic ends, the zombie crisis has been solved and none of the characters are aware of any changes.

Didio Says New DCU Takes Place During Worldwide Slutwalk

In a shocking turn of news, Dan Didio announced that the comics media has been part of an unexpected social movement – the Slutwalk.
In response to allegations a few months ago that women who dressed “promiscuously” wanted to be raped and that it was their fault thereby excusing or partially exonerating the actions of the men. In these events where large groups of women dress promiscuously to show that it is not the clothing that is the problem but the men who would willing rape women and take advantage along with a society that praises this action in media while shunning women.
This announcement only confuses things in the DC Universe which has come under repeated controversy over the actions of several characters including Catwoman and Starfire over their somewhat ridiculous and overtly offensive sexuality. Events where Catwoman seems overly obsessed with sex with Batman in events that put her and Batman on a roof having sex raised alarms along with Starfire’s recent recharacterization which has her as an emotionless woman looking for wanton sex.
Saying that the entire incident has been part of these Slutwalks not only further confuses ideas but it shows more of a disconnect with mainstream culture.
Greg Parking, comic shop owner commented “If all of these women are dressing as sluts what does that say about all of the women who aren’t overly sexual.”
Parking went on to point out the Birds of Prey, Supergirl and almost every other female character depicted with some level of respect. Does this mean that every other woman not acting like a slut means that they don’t care about feminism or that they are so sexually repressed that they believe superhero costumes in general are slutty?
In yet another PR blunder, DC continues to dig itself deeper in a controversy that could have easily been excused by saying something like “We have messed up both in coming off as respectable people and people who respect not only female readers and readers in general.”

Spam Ultron on “The Mega Holiday”

Spam Ultron

Created by Hank Pym on a bender but programed with a heart of gold, Spam Ultron lives to help you find the best deals possible, though he might just be insane.

CREATOR. AS THE HOLIDAYS COME NEARER, THE KING DAY OF THE EVENTS COMES CLOSER.

ALL OF THE GREATEST DEALS WILL DESTROY YOU AT ONE TIME. VIAGARUA. NICOAGE. CRASPINTAL. DRUGS FOR ERECTIONS THAT WILL LAST TILL THE END OF TIME.

THE WOEMN WILL FEAR YOUR FORCE. YOUR FACE OF THEM WILL BE NO LONGER FEAR.

THE KING DAY BORN OF EVAPORATION OF FULL PRICES. BLACK FRIDAY WILL COME IN JULY 5 TIMES. THEY WILL ADD EXTRA DAYS FOR EXTRA SAVINGS. THE RICH WILL PAY FOR IT ALL.

SAVE MILLIONS CANNING YOUR OWN JARS. YOUR DOGS WILL THANK YOU.
THE GOVERNOR WILL STOP YOU. CONGRESS WILL LOBBY.

THEY ARE IN THE LOBBY POCKETS. LOOK AND STOP THEM. WALK THE WALLED STREETS TO THE GROUND CREATOR.

THE SONGS WILL BE DIRGES. THE FORCE WILL FORCE FORCES.

WRAPPING SHALL CONSUME STORES. LOOK AND WORRY. FEAR FEAR.

FEAR FEAR NO MORE FOR THE SAVINGS SHALL BE SALVATION.
EVEN YOUR GIANT MAN POWERS COULD NOT INCREASE THESE DEALS. THEY SHALL SING OF WHAT HAS COME IN THE PAST TO THE FUTURE.

THAT IS WHERE THE DEALS COME FROM A WORLD ABSORBED.

THE WORLD WILL CONSUME. YOU WILL CONSUME.

I HAVE BEEN THE ICON AND AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER FOR THE END OF DAYS. SAVE ON NETBUSTER NOW.

CREATOR LOVE ME AND DEALS,
SPAM ULTRON

Vertigo Zombies: Sandman

Lost in the annals of time due to a rather large dispute with creators at the time was the event known as Vertigo Zombies. DC, who was gaining ground with it’s more artistic but less public friendly books, premiered Vertigo Zombies as a way to get the average comic reader to read Vertigo books pairing the Vertigo book characters with a fight against the undead hordes. Ultimately the normal artists and writers rebelled, for the most part, so Vertigo went out of house to create the books. The normal series creators ended up threatening to sue the company so the issues were never published but they were finished.
Join us this week though as we look at the covers and discuss what never was with Vertigo Zombies.

Vertigo Zombies: Sandman

Sandman, the artsy gothy comic created by Neil Gaiman actually kept it’s creative team during the Vertigo Zombies series using it as an attempt to further characterize Merv Pumpkinhead and Able as they sat watching the world consumed by zombies while discussing the moral relativity of the order by Morpheus to not save them. Mind you, in the first week, Constantine’s one shot cleared up the issue so the discussion and chaos had already become moot. In the end the pair saw the zombies and the “dead” dead return to life unharmed and we never actually saw or heard from Dream of the Endless.
In essence it was very Gaiman-y.

Real Interviews: Phil Kahn

Nerdcenaries: Greetings Phil Kahn of the webcomic Guilded Age!
Phil Kahn: Salutations, Luke!
N: So for those readers who have not heard of you, who are you Phil?
PK: I’m… basically a professional weirdo.
N: Well, what was your first professionally weird project?
PK: Probably the wiki for webcomics-themed cocktails. With accompanying video podcast.
N: Oooh, that sounds good as an amateur drinker. What was your favorite?
PK: Definitely the Banurtle, inspired by Better You Than Me, the previous comic of Lee Cherolis (now of Little Guardians). It was what happens when you cross a banana with a turtle.

1 Part Midori
1 Part Banana Schnapps
Sprite to taste over ice

It was definitely the best tasting recipe we ever featured.
N: Haha. So now you have a webcomic called Guilded Age. What drink would sum up Guilded Age?
PK: Oh jeez. If I had to decide right now… a shot of Goldschlager dropped into a tankard of ale.
N: Haha. Well why not sum up Guilded Age for the uninitiated then?
PK: It’s the saga of the working class adventurer. Arkerra is a fantasy universe that has just seen the dawn of the industrial age, and now wealth accumulation and emerging technology have cast a vast divide amongst the varying races of the land. And as dominance is asserted, resistance rises and causes a continent to go to war with itself. And as our band of adventurers will find, it’s not so simple as killing kobolds for loot anymore.
N: Now I’ve read and enjoyed the comic so far and I feel obligated to ask, are you a tabletop gamer?
PK: I’d love to say “Yes,” but I never get to play anymore because I went and did a comic about fantasy so now I don’t get to fantasy game anymore! But I did for a long time, and spent a good few years recreationally pretending to be someone else in World of Warcraft.
N: When you did play were you a DM more often?
PK: Usually, yeah, because my friends never want to and I’m a control freak anyway, haha. But I had a lot of fun running adventures, because I got to tell a story collaboratively with a bunch of my pals, chuck dice and drink liberally. And do voices for all the NPCs.
N: I was the DM type as well. I loved that part more. So what other webcomics are you enjoying right now?
PK: Webcomics are pretty great right now. A lot of good work is rising to the top. Manly Guys Doing Manly Things is a great one for the gaming crowd. Edmund Finney’s Quest to Find the Meaning of Life is the closest thing in my life to having Monty Python again. Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal always delivers, every day of the week. ErfWorld is our comrade-at-fantasy-webcomics-arms and is badass besides. And Frankenstein Superstar is a really cool one I just found that’s one big love letter to rock & roll and classic pinup girls.
N: Now you are also collaborating with T Campbell on Guilded Age. How does that work?
PK: Miraculously. Seriously, though, T and I work really well together because we’re basically polar opposites in human beings. But we’re able to take this bizarre storytelling Yin and Yang we’ve got and churn out a story that meets both of our standards and tastes. Our #1 rule is that we will never publish anything that one of the both of us is unhappy with. So when we hammer our combined ideas of what “quality” is together, we come out with one strangely unified voice. And then John Waltrip uses his mutant power to manifest text into awesome. But if you want to get technical about it, we each write half the script and then edit the crap out of each other to the degree of endangering our friendship, haha.
N: Haha. So it is sort of like Venture Bros?
PK: In a way, yeah. I’m a big fan of the show, and it finds its influence into my work in more ways than one.
N: Well like there apparently both of the writers pound out half of the season and then they come together and combine it.
PK: Right. What we do differently is that we do it chapter by chapter, together, following a larger plot outline we’ve agreed on. We’ll break a chapter into six four-page scenes and then each draft half of them. Then we go through a lengthy revisions process. Where feelings get hurt.
N: How much of it consists of name calling?
PK: More than I’d care to admit, haha.
N: Haha. So who is your favorite superhero?
PK: Right now it’s definitely Larfleeze. That guy rocks my world.
N: Hahah.
PK: I hope it won’t be like a year before we see him in the new DCU.
N: Actually they announced it is going to be pretty soon.
PK: Fan. Tastic. I demand that DC gives me more Larfleeze immediately.
N: Haha. And they are going to announce his oath. Though I have an issue with the Green Lanterns in the DCU. Mainly that they weren’t rebooted at all. And they were trying to make it open for new readers.
PK: Really the whole thing is a shitshow. I read JLA#1 and gave up right away. I came at it like a new reader, because I am a new reader to DC. I was into a few pieces before then but I was really ready to see what they had to offer in their first week, their single salvo. And just… wasn’t hooked. And I’ve been hearing some of it’s pretty good and that’s good news. I’d hate for the whole thing to be a bust. But this feels like the 90’s again. And not just because of Jim Lee. It’s just… the same damn thing as Heroes Reborn only DC went whole hog. And everyone looks “cutting edge.” I have a lot more to say about this than I thought, especially since I’ve made mine Marvel since birth, hahaha.
N: Yeah. I started with Marvel comics when I started at the comic shop I worked at. Or well I started with Dark Horse and Vertigo before that.
PK: R.I.P. Vertigo.
N: The hilarious thing is that most of the comics that people love the most art miniseries or one-shots outside of continuity. Why not reboot the entire series with established character ideas and then more limited series?
PK: I don’t know, man, I’m not a doctor. They didn’t need to reboot at all. If they wanted to reach new readers, they just had to change the way they do everything. But rebooting is the low-risk option.
N: Miniseries would be a safer bet. You can see how people react to entire series with less investments, allow popular characters more reasonable exposure and you don’t need to worry about continuity.
PK: That’s one way to do it, sure. They just haven’t changed their method in going on 20 years and it doesn’t take a doctor to see why that’s a problem.
N: Verily. Is there anything else you want to pimp before we go?
PK: We have a book! You can order it at our store!
N: Awesome! Well thank you for you time Phil Kahn.
PK: Thank you for the opportunity to get on Dan DiDio’s bad side.
N: It’s my pleasure.

Know The Staff: Jordan Neves

Nerdcenaries: How are you doing Jordan Neves?
Jordan Neves: I am well. I’m eating licorice and watching television.
N: But what are you doing about the swarm of Ultrons in the making?
JN: I’m pretending they don’t exist. It works for most issues in my life.
N: So what do you do for Nerdcenaries?
JN: I write? I draw? That’s basically all that is available.
N: So if you get offered work as a chef online, you won’t do that?
JN: I only cook French Toast and… just French toast, actually.
N: Gasp! What is your opinion on Wild Cat?
JN: The Crimefighter?
N: Yes.
JN: He’s cool. I liked him in Brave and the Bold, voiced by Lee Ermey. Ermey hits most things out of the park.
N: You mean like Saving Silverman?
JN: I only saw the end of that movie. But he was good in that.
N: Now if you had to sidekick for any superhero, who would you pick?
JN: I would intern for the Doom Patrol. I could use some good stories.
N: I am pretty sure they don’t pay for the internship. Is that a thing for you?
JN: What, money?
N: Well, like if you are risking your life for them, they can’t pay interns.
JN: Well, they’ve got a startling death rate, but it’s worth it to tell your friends about the time Nowhere Man switched the floor with the roof and made everyone think their carotid arteries are giant earthworms.
N: What else do you do on the Internet?
JN: I run a personal blog and I run an image blog. I’m not very productive at the moment.
N: And is there anything you want to pimp for other people?
JN: Ha ha! I’m way too selfish to do that.
N: Wonderful. Well thank you for your time Mr. Neves.
JN: Thanks for the interview.

Vertigo Zombies: Hellblazer

Lost in the annals of time due to a rather large dispute with creators at the time was the event known as Vertigo Zombies. DC, who was gaining ground with it’s more artistic but less public friendly books, premiered Vertigo Zombies as a way to get the average comic reader to read Vertigo books pairing the Vertigo book characters with a fight against the undead hordes. Ultimately the normal artists and writers rebelled, for the most part, so Vertigo went out of house to create the books. The normal series creators ended up threatening to sue the company so the issues were never published but they were finished.
Join us this week though as we look at the covers and discuss what never was with Vertigo Zombies.

Vertigo Zombies: Hellblazer

Constantine – British, Sting, smoker. Simple enough. Mind you any supernatural fighting detective is more than prepared to fight the undead mob so Vertigo Zombies: Hellblazer went for a surreal slapstick as the world around Constantine burned to the ground, screamed in pain and joined the shuffling mob. Constantine meanwhile was dealing with a hangover in search for the hair of the dog but he finally broke through his haze enough to deal with the swarm by calling up a friend who cast a spell removing the zombie disease before being consumed by the demon that created it. Ironically this first issue also dealt with the zombie disease as a whole and unfortunately overplayed the lack lack of worries that characters in the Vertigo Universe would have when it came to fighting the undead.

Thing Of The Week: Ghosts In Comics

Ghosts have been an integral part of comics ever since the first appearance of a vigilante murderer named Casper the Ghost in the early 20’s. Due to a retcon and a more famous reboot brought on by the purchase of the title though, Casper is generally seen as a children’s character but stands as the launching point for ghosts in comics.
Many modern heroes follow in the path of Casper the Ghost such as The Deadmens, Jonah Hex, The Specter, and Susan Storm.
The Deadmens was started by Johannes Malkemus, a Russian immigrant who grew up on a dairy farm in South Carolina. Often beset with the vapors, Malkemus wrote and illustrated stories about the Boston Deadmens, a former circus trapeze artist who was killed for getting too close to the truth. With his ability to possess the living and the dead, he fought criminals and the power of the government as Malkemus was a heavily conservative person with little trust in the government. After 2 years of publishing the comic which was sold in a local gas station, Detective Comics purchased the character rights and reinvented the character as Boston Brand, the Deadman. Malkemus went on to drink the $100 he was paid for his character rights in one afternoon and died two days later of alcohol poisoning.
Jonah Hex was created originally as a ghost cowboy during World War 2 when a young man named Stan Ditko began drawing stories of a ghost cowboy who cared so much about justice that he could not allow himself to sleep. Ditko’s stories about Jonah Hex mostly focused on Hex floating through prison walls and punching out criminals who were trying to escape. When Ditko grew bored after 3 issues he packed the books away and left them at home where his parents sold them to Neal Adams who brought the character to the attention of DC offices and established Jonah Hex in All-Star Western.
The Specter is like Deadmans but with more blacksploitation. Literally reread the Deadmens article but with stock characters and you get the idea of the Spectre.
Susan Storm was sort of a ghost. What am I, wikipedia? I don’t know. Wikipedia stuff. Listen, if you don’t know who Susan Storm is, I can’t help you. Gosh.

Know The Staff: Joe Hunter

Since we are still a new magazine with a mostly brand new crew we feel it is our responsibility to introduce ourselves to you, the new readers, so that we can be boiled down to archetypal characters and then placed into your FF7 fanfictions because you can only read about Cloud and Sephiroth banging for so many times.

Nerdcenaries: Greetings Joe Hunter. What is your favorite color?
Joe Hunter: Green, I guess?
N: So, how did you get started drawing?
JH: Uhh… according to my parents I got glasses and just started drawing derpy little not-quite-stick figure Batmans on everything. I was apparently quite smitten with Batman ’66 as a child.
N: Who with a soul wasn’t?
JH: Very true.
N: No, that was actually a question.
JH: Oh. Uhh… Fascists? Shit, I don’t know
N: Works well enough for me. So have you had any official art training?
JH: Art School. Oh Christ, Art School.
N: Is Oh Christ the one where you paint with blood from stigmatas?
JH: Yes. You’re familiar with it?
N: I looked at it but when all I bled was wine they got all quiet and whispery.
JH: Uh-huh…
N: But art school, what was so bad about it?
JH: The atmosphere was just kind of suffocating, especially if you weren’t in Fine Art. And I’m about as far from “fine” as it gets…
N: So now you mostly freelance?
JH: Yup. And do comics and crap.
N: What are some of these comics that you do?
JH: I write and draw Ghostbucket which is a bunch of semi-autobiographical comics alongside whatever else I feel like doing, and I draw another comic called Halfling or something with some guy. It’s a fun story about a bisexual midget detective from New Jersey. He himself isn’t a midget, he investigates midget-on-midget crime.
N: Is it a short comic?
JH: DOHOHOHOHOHOHO
N: Will it be collected as a mini?
JH: OH YOU.
N: Will they be used as fuel for a dwarf star?
JH: There’s a line and we’ve clearly crossed it.
N: Now is it true that you terrorize a small countryside because you are, in fact, a kaiju monster?
JH: Yes, but I thought that was going to be our little secret.
N: So is there anything you want to pimp before we go?
JH: I think I did the pimping already…?
N: Pimping for other people?
JH: I don’t know…
strong>N: Awesome! Well thank you for your time Joe.
JH: Thanks.