Warner Brothers Just Cancels All Movies Ever

Warner Brothers and their subsidiary DC, in a growing struggle to make money, announced today that they would just stop making movies entirely. In the press announcement Greg Chalck announced

First we stopped making VHS because it was outmoded and that made me sad – I loved the DVD. And then we decided that we didn’t want to make straight to DVD films because they don’t sell. Though we made some really shit films and prequels – we did a prequel to Ace Ventura. ¬†And then after Green Lantern flopped so huge nobody expects us to be able to make a decent superhero film.

When asked a followup about the Dark Knight Rises and it’s success in the theaters Chalck responded

It ain’t the Avengers. That is what? – the third highest grossing film of all time. We can’t really compete with that. We do maybe 30 films a year for just movie theaters and some of the schlock we come up with is incredibly depressing – I mean I looked at what we had coming down the line – we were gonna do more Yogi Bear films. More Cats and Dogs. My kids don’t even go and I’ve got free tickets. We lost Harry Potter, we can’t stretch out the Hobbit anymore – I just don’t know what to do besides shopping.

Chalck announced plans that DC will auction off the rights and finished licenses to other movies for the time being before he started to drink heavily.

Luke Herr

Luke is a writer and an aspiring professional comic writer who is also the editor in chief of Nerdcenaries. He currently is working on a graphic novel called Prison Spaceship.