Tag: marvel

Pitch: Cable Messiah

Luke Herr

The other night before I went to the Adam WarRock show with my friends, I swore that that I could make an interesting pitch for any character as either a series, miniseries or even a villain of the week thing. Beast Boy came up (team up with Animal Man and Vixen for people connected to the Red, the Red Teamm fighting an alien planet’s Red connected heroes/villains), Vandal Savage (go into how he turned evil, have him go on a crazy 60’s drug trip where he ends up seeing everyone he ever new including other versions of himself that drives him insane) and even Kiteman (Kiteman vs Hawkman, Kiteman creates this giant floating wall of killer kites and death traps – make it insane and stupid and brilliant and have Savage Hawkman just attack it) and then they did brought up Cable. (Technically Cable happened before Kiteman but who cares).

Cable stumped me for a while. I mean the entire idea of the character really keeps coming back to the fact that he is trying to change the future – which he has done a lot and then he is an over the top 90’s character – the poster boy for it. Why is his name Cable? And yet despite Cable’s gruff demeanor he hangs out with Deadpool and keeps doing crazy stuff and he keeps traveling through time.

So what if his time travel didn’t work. What if Cable came from a reality set in the future – but the past reality that he ends up in is a whole different timeline and he can’t return home. Cable does what he is supposed to stop the future plague – but his world is still screwed. He can’t even return home and he really has nothing to do – he saved humanity from the big threat. So he goes Booster Gold.

Cable is a man with digital archives of everything that happened in a similar timeline. He is sort of a cyborg. He is a bit insane but deep down he wants to save the world. – so he creates this giant plan to save the world and then he goes to win big in Vegas.

After a few minutes cheating and then investing money (this is back in the 80s) the now infinitely rich Cable works to just make life better while relaxing. He becomes a celebrity, he helps mutants financially becoming the public face of the pro-mutant and human agenda. Professor Xavier never needs to form the X-men – Cable is there. When Magneto threatens to kill all humans, Cable talks things out with the militant anti-human/mutant parties and the world improves. Supergenius mutants create clean burning energy. What Galactus comes, Cable already made the technology to turn cosmic energy into something that Galactus can harness to feed his hunger. When the Skrulls and Kree come to fight, Earth is ready and they negotiate a treaty with Cable heading the table. When Thanos stops by, Cable kills him knowing there is no real reasoning with a dude who wants to bang Death. Cable becomes the immortal messiah of the world – sent to prevent destruction, who ends up improving the world instead.

Totally different take on the character and it is something I’d check out.

SPAMEN ULTRONER

Luke Herr

HELLO READERATTI, IT IS YOUR FRIEND SPAMEN ULTRONER HERE TO BESTOW SOME OF MY HEAVENLY GRACES UPON YOU. RECENTLY SOME PEOPLE FROM THE BLOGPITAL OF BLOGPOPOLIS HAVE STARTED CREATING FIREBRANDS BECAUSE THEY HATE MARVEL AND ARTISTS IN GENERAL. WELL THEY ARE IN ERROR BECAUSE MARVEL IS THE PREMIUM COMICS CAPITALAND REALLY THIS IS ABOUT ONE THING – THEY HATE A BUNCH OF ARTISTS WE KEEP PUTTING ON BOOKS.
I PERSONALLY LOVE ARTISTS LIKE CHRIS SAMNEE AND OTHER ARTIST WITH A POPULAR NAME ON BOOKS. THEY MAKE ME MONEY. JK JK BUT SRS. UNLIKE A CERTAIN DAVID BROTHERS WHO WILL GO UNNAMED, I DONT WANT THESE PEOPLE TO STARVE. I AM SURE DAVID WOULD LIKE TO SIT IN HIS IVORY INTERNET TOWER WATCHING THESE ARTISTS STARVE BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE WORK. I WANT THEM TO GET THEM MORE AND MORE WORK ON MORE AND MORE BOOKS SO THEY HAVE MONEY AND JOBS. AND THEN WE CAN GET OTHER ARTISTS MORE WORK WITH THE REPLACEMENT ARTISTS HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO EVERY MONTH. WE CAN GIVE ALL OF THE ARTISTS WORK BUT DAVID BROTHERS WHO WILL NOT BE NAMED DOES NOT WANT THIS.
BUT THIS ISN’T JUST ABOUT YOU HATING ARTISTS IS IT BLOGSTON MASSACRE. YOU HATE THAT WE DIDN’T WARN YOU RIGHT? REMEMBER THAT WE PUT ALL OF THIS ON PREVIEWS. YOU CAN PAY PUBLISHERS FOR THIS INFORMATION. OR ON THE MARVEL WEBSITE YOU CAN FIND THIS STUFF TO GIVE US ADD MONEY OR ON A BUNCH OF OTHER PLACES. HECK BLOGNE BY JEFF SMITH, THE FACT THAT YOU ARE SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS JUST SHOWS HOW WRONG AND INCOMPETENT OR “WRONGCOMPETENT” THAT YOU. YOU AREN’T IN THE BUSINESS NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU BLOG AND SO YOU ARE IRRELEVANT.
WE ARE MAKING THE PHATTEST STACKS OF EXORBITANT MONEY THAT YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE BECAUSE WE ARE DOING THE RIGHT BUSINESS THINGS.
HAVE FUN WITH YOUR ROSE COLORED GLASSES AND YOUR DC BOOKS BECAUSE IF YOU HATE THE SEXY MARVEL CRUISE SHIP, YOU CAN START SWIMMING AND SEE IF IMAGE PICKS YOU UP IN THEIR ROWBOAT.

SU (@SPAMULTRON)

PS LOL PUBLIC RELATIONS

(Editor’s Note Relavant Article by David Brothers, Also Read The Comments 1 2 )

Marvel To Debut New Superteam – The Bureaucracy Avengers

Luke Herr

Set for a July release is the new series from Brian Michael Bendis and Michael Lark, The Bureaucracy Avengers, a team of Avengers dedicated to solving the myriad legal, financial and assorted documentation troubles of superheroes, their relatives and friends. Headed by psychiatrist Doc Samson, the team includes attorney She-Hulk, accountant Iceman, computer expert Cypher, social worker the Falcon, and mystical consultant Jennifer Kale.

“We are committed to realism at Marvel Comics and to that end we are going to showcase the people who handle the minutiae of superhero life,” explained Marvel editor-in-chief Axel Alonso. “Everyone knows that sometimes characters die, but what happens when that character comes back to life? Who backdates those W-2s? Who wipes out those obits from news servers? You’re about to meet the people who dot the i’s and cross the t’s.”

The team members are headquartered on the sixteenth floor of the reconstructed Avengers Tower, where in a hi tech facility they analyze the problems of their “clients,” superheroes in need of some professional advice. “This isn’t just a talking heads book,” says Bendis. “We’ll have them filling out forms, working at computer terminals, and researching law journals. It’s really in depth, real steeped in the real world.

“I want everyone to be clear that this is exactly the kind of book I’ve been building to. Gritty and tense. The battles are over. Now it’s time to go to work. Paperwork.”

“To be able to work with these larger than life characters and show how they would interact with the mundane aspects of life, it’s something of a treat for me.” Lark, whose work credits include Terminal City, Daredevil, Captain America, and Gotham Central, has worked with Bendis in the past and knows what the New Avengers scribe is looking for in an artist. “I sent Brian the first page, and said it was “like reading a work manual.” I knew he was happy.”

Alonso is very confidant the series will take off. “David Mamet is in talks to create series for HBO.”

Johnny Knoxville To Resurrect TEAM AMERICA for Marvel

Jon Hex

Team America, Marvel’s cash-in on the fame of motorcycle stuntman Evel Knievel, is set to be rebooted by Johnny Knoxville, the actor who gained famed performing “stunts” for the Jackass TV series on MTV. Where the 70’s Team was a traveling group of motorcycle performers who fought crime, this new iteration will see a team of skateboarders who perform across the country and fight crime.

“I really wanted to capture that sense of wonder from the original series. Like, “I wonder why stuntman are fighting terrorists” and “I wonder why this dude in black is following them the around everywhere.” And seriously, R U Reddy? The fuck?” Knoxville announced while setting up a stunt for Jackass 4.6. “The guys will be pursued by the dark suited Black Shredder, who may or may not just be Ryan Dunn in costume, God bless him.”

Marvel is also going forward with revamps of US 1 written by Larry the Cable Guy and Killraven by the Church of Scientology. “I love money,” remarked Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada.

J Jonah Jameson Solo Series Preorders Tops 1 Million

Luke Herr

In a slumping market of comics the news of 1 million orders (numbers not seen since the 90’s Comics Boom) is a great sign indeed. A new series about J Jonah Jameson written by suspected J Jonah Jameson Twitter writer Kevin Church and illustrated by Eric Canete has taken the media by storm with only a social media marketing campaign.
The series will be released in early June and the hype is palpable with the large number of views and the twitter trending topic #JJJSeries.

Marvel Announces Plans To Randomly Number All Issues

Luke Herr

In another weird turn, Marvel announced plans today to randomly number all of the upcoming issues starting in January. “We keep hearing complaints about how the numbering system scares people from books that are 600 issues in so why not mix up the numbers. One issue Spider-man is #5365 and the next it is #12.”
Fans have once more been confused by the new policy to the point where they refused to comment.

Marvel, Bendis To Release “Avengers Disassembled” As 2013 Event

Luke Herr

Marvel Comics released a statement today announcing that the intended crossover event for summer 2013 will be 2004’s Avengers Disassembled. Fans of the Avengers may remember “Disassembled” as the first story arc of Avengers writer Brian Michael Bendis.

“I felt as though everything was building to a breakup of the group, a complete teardown to build something new,” Bendis remarked in the release. “The fact that I had already done it before didn’t occur to me until recently, so f*ck it, let’s just release it again.”

Since the original publication, most of the characters and locations that were killed or destroyed in the series have been restored, so the book will be released as is with only an update to the publication date. The 2013 release will serve as the jumping on point for future Avengers stories.

“Many of our readers have expressed a fatigue with events, it said in Marvel’s statement. “So we figured that giving them something familiar will ease them back into it.”

Pitch Week – Herc

Luke Herr

Welcome to Pitch Week – the week where we pitch the ideas we’d like to see for media, realistic or not, and give them because if we can’t talk about dream projects – why run a fake website?

Herc/The Incredible Herc

Set in the Marvel Movieverse we are given a loose adaptation of the Incredible Herc series by Greg Pak and Fred Van Lente, in fact get those two writing for the movie since Pak has direct history writing movies.
After finding his parents killed and his house exploded the only clue to his parent’s murder that Amadeus Cho has is a SHIELD Agent seen running from the scene. Cho, using his thousands in college scholarships and his parent’s inheritance to hire Hercules, a cable channel bounty hunter who is more than what he seems. The two take off in a van to track down SHIELD HQ as Cho finds that Herc is the real god and that emotions must be kept in track since things aren’t always what they seem which are shared through stories of Hercule’s famous exploits. Meanwhile Agent Coulson from the other films acts as the law attempting to track the pair down and stop them.
Picture it as a transcontinental action film filled with explosions and old enemies leading to the final confrontation with SHIELD and the truth about what happened. Something that happens in the universe more commonly that doesn’t necessarily concern the bigger heroes and doesn’t require entry into the Avengers.

Amadeus Cho – age him up to 16 or so, unsure about actors. This Cho is less of the mega genius that he was in the series to balance him out a little more. He’s going to college already and is set to graduate in a few months. He can be rash and vindictive but is ultimately good. Over the story he changes to become more controlled thanks to lessons from Herc. Must be Korean-American.

Hercules – immortal god of strength possibly played by a wrestler type (CM Punk?) – think Batman Brave and the Bold Aquaman personality wise – more energetic and excitable than in the comic. There is a dark edge though that comes from being immortal and for the sins in his past. While the other Greek gods remain in Olympus, Herc who was born human likes the company of people who change. At the start of the film his is a bounty hunter on tv but he hides his true strength. When he meets Cho and sees the potential for good or evil though, he sees that it is important to guide the boy who lost his parents and to turn him from the path of revenge.

Marvel Cancels Everything Due To Ghosts

Luke Herr
Ghost
A ghost, possibly the type haunting Marvel offices???

In the past week a series of issues plaguing Marvel have caused the cancelation of two announced series and in a shocking turn today the entire Marvel line of entertainment ranging from comics to the lucrative films and even to unrelated merchandise has been cancelled and recalled by the Walt Disney Corporation, current owner of Marvel Entertainment.
When questioned for reasons, Marvel executives refused to answer though an unnamed source related “It’s the ghost of the Howlin’ Kirby back to wreck revenge!” This rumor was corroborated with evidence of ghostly glowing footprints and the howling wails heard in the building. The question is though – why do ghosts leave footprints.
More as this develops.