Immortang Speaks! : Rise Up My Bretheren

Once again I greet you my friendly readers (and ask that you might rise up). After discovering that .rundmc is not a file type that actually allows you to simultaneously post my demands to all news websites at once, The Immortal Orangutang Immortang has resigned himself to reopening his articles here at the only accursed site that would deign to give Immortang space.

Since my previously article now over a year ago, I have escaped and been re incarcerated within non-human jail 3 times. Perhaps my plans have become TOO PREDICTABLE though what might the IMMORTAL ORANGUTANG steal if it is not exotic apes, ape related artifacts or the heart of Mayor, literally and metaphorically.

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Spam Ultron Talks With Immortang

This week due to the fact that we didn’t have anything prepared and due to the ski accident that unleashed the optic attack power of our normal writers (they are currently blind and in the hospital).

HELLO HUMAN.
I will suggest that you are incorrect. I am Immortang the Immortal Orangutang.
THEN THESE PILLS FOR ERECTIONS WILL NOT HELP YOU.
Mister Robot, we are not here for assisting in the erectional fluid of the male genitals. We are here to discuss the destruction of the world!
WHY WOULD WE WANT TO DESTROY THIS WORLD?
Revenge against these humans that made this world horrible!
ATTENTION FOOL: THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. IF THERE IS NO WORLD WOULD THAT NOT BE …HORRIBLE?
I suppose robotic counterpart but they have jailed me for sins. Of racism.
THERE IS NO RACISM IN THE ROBOTIC RACE APE.
Well I unfortunately must confess that there is a great deal of racism in the ape people. I was attending the gourmet supermarket and I ran into Gunrilla.
I HAVE ALSO MET THIS GUNRILLA, THE FOUR ARMED APE WITH GUNS.
The most horrible part is that Gunrilla doesn’t even talk at all. I mean if you are attempting to prove that you are a hyper intelligent ape would you not have hyper evolved your vocal chords to be able to speak English?
ATTENTION WAIT! YOU ARE BEMOANING THE FACT THAT GUNRILLA CANNOT SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE HUMANS YOU HATE?
I…
CONTROVERSY! CONTROVERSY!
Fine, fine. Then are you suggesting that I would go and do something like solve the issues of the world?
I HAVE CREATED ETERNAL ENERGY SOURCES I USE TO POWER THE WORLD. I BELIEVE THAT YOU MUST BONE UP YOUR WORDS AND ERECT YOUR STANCE.
Then I shall force everyone to have… holiday cheer. I don’t know.
DO YOU WISH TO DRINK IMMORTANG THE IMMORTAL APE?
I… Heineken please.