DC Accidentally Releases Entire Superhero Continuity On Unsuspecting Community

Paramedics are still dealing with the destruction after the general public was exposed to the entire DC continuity following accident at KlawCon in Beaver, Iowa.
“We were just sitting there minding our own business and then we saw Batman and we were like ‘oh wow it’s Batman’ and then we saw the Joker but it was a girl and then there was a long stretchy guy in red and and a stretchy guy in purple and a yellow guy in a boa and oh my god.”
Jared Willis, like many others was caught in the blast being forced to experience continuity from almost 89 years of continuity. Even fans were caught in the accident.
“I’d just gotten used to this New 52 thing,” reported Richard Smith “and then it’s like the Charleston Captain Atom and Blue Beetle showed up and my brain just started hurting. It’s like Grant Morrison and Geoff Johns were shooting their brain thoughts and knowledge pools into my headspace.”
Jim Lee, creative officer for DC and co-publisher issued a public apology hours later. “I am sorry that all of you were subject to this continuity explosion. It’s this sort of thing that made us do the new 52. Obviously though our rich continuity mines are not as secured as we thought.”
Johns then suggested that everyone affected should read some of the new Captain Atom.

Secret Convention Items: The Single Canon Tintin Fancomic By Grant Morrison

Every year hundreds of thousands of people go to comic book conventions and unknown to them, like the fast food joints they eat at while at the cons, there is a secret menu of items. This is Secret Convention Items.

Fan’s of Hergé’s classic series Tintin are typically the rabid fans to the point where they will rip apart any fan works. As well, the family of the classic comic creator has famously fought with vigilance against any fan works or parody of the series. Unknown to many fans then is the existence of the only canon Tintin fan work created by a very young Grant Morrison in a chance encounter.
The comic depicting an extraordinarily trippy adventure through the metaphysical realms with the classic Tintin cast was penned by now famous Scottish comic writer Grant Morrison in his early days.
On a random encounter at a comic convention Hergé and Morrison met and discussed comics. Morrison was able to impress Hergé enough to look at his fan comic at which point to push the comic artist further, signed the book and wrote official art. Pictures were taken, proof exists but the unfortunate events that hit afterwards caused the comic to fall out of the public memory.
Morrison during a brief trip to the United State years later returned home to find his apartment looted and various early works stolen including his original ending for Animal Man. Among the missing work was the signed Tintin fan comic. When reported though, none of the stolen material or a criminal was ever found.
Then 4 years ago in the Sudan the stolen comics and scripts turned up during a brief military ku and the comics were sold to a traveling comics fan who had been trapped in the area at the time of the ku. The writer contact Morrison but was unable to schedule a meeting with the creator who apparently thought the entire discovery was a hoax brought by his clone from another universe.
After assessing the value of the box (somewhere about $420,000) the collection was divided up and sold at auction. Once again though, the night before the auction, the Tintin comic was stolen from the New York auction house.
It has appeared in various places but is currently owned by Daniel Smith of Lexington Kentucky’s House Of Heroes Comics. He is unaware of the value of the comic and has the comic worth thousands in the dollar bin.

Morrison’s New Comic Promises To Confuse Readers, Deal With Sex, And A Bald Man

In a press release it was announced that the new Grant Morrison comic will confuse readers with mind bending ideas, the least of them being sex, and it would also have one bald character who may or may not represent Morrison in the role of a comic creator. The comic also promised to be drawn ahead of schedule though 4 issues in there would be a fill in artist and that issue would be considered the least popular of the series and that Morrison’s own interest would peter out by then.

Vertigo Zombies: Animal Man

Lost in the annals of time due to a rather large dispute with creators at the time was the event known as Vertigo Zombies. DC, who was gaining ground with it’s more artistic but less public friendly books, premiered Vertigo Zombies as a way to get the average comic reader to read Vertigo books pairing the Vertigo book characters with a fight against the undead hordes. Ultimately the normal artists and writers rebelled, for the most part, so Vertigo went out of house to create the books. The normal series creators ended up threatening to sue the company so the issues were never published but they were finished.
Join us this week though as we look at the covers and discuss what never was with Vertigo Zombies.
Vertigo Zombies: Animal Man

Vertigo Zombies: Animal Man functioned as a parody of Grant Morrison’s third wall breaking and introspective series where instead of printing any new material, they just printed the script to the comic they wrote and then added a bunch of hand drawn dicks over pictures of Grant Morrison’s face. The work in a whole remains unattributed but sources are fairly certain T’narg nos Irrom, interplanetary wizard and foe of Morrison was behind the comic.