In a shocking retaliatory action to the digital Marvel initiative, DC announced 5 new Geoff Johns penned digital series basred as an update of Jack Kirby’s 4th World characters. Said Johns,
Listen, I mean really listen. Jack Kirby had a fantastic legacy and characters that we wouldn’t want to lessen by using them in a less than perfect way. Luckily Grant killed the New Gods during the pre-boot so these at the New New Gods of the 5th World. You’ve already seen New Darkseid or as we now call him Uxas.We’ve got some other new twists on classic characters and we’ll be selling these all as digital firsts.
You kids all loved Big Barda and Mister Miracle so the New Barda is called Effervette. She’s got a club but she’s smaller – more sexy like we like.
Orion was okay – but we want something grittier so the new Orion is Loadholder and he’s not the son of Darkseid like he was before. Now he’s the evil part of the Highfather – though now Highfather is Grandlord. And if he touches Darkseid it causes Darkseid to get super strong with the Anti-Life Equation.
Metron was this personification of knowledge so we have his new form, Visityr and he travels through space in a chair but now it has guns because if he doesn’t like a world – he destroys it from existence.
When I was growing up I loved the Forever People. Hippies that got together to summon a superman is super kooky. But hippies are passee so now the Infinity Squad are a bunch of social outcasts from the New Gods. They’re like goth punk rocky guys.
Unlike Kirby, who got a lot of stuff right, he never did a series about Apokolipsians so I am doing one on Mao Stayded. He was inspired by Japanese culture so he has this giant glowing samurai sword and it can cut through anything and it also shoots out bullets. He’s going to be trying to kill the Justice League and superheroes and stuff.
The Ever-Suffering Pirate Ghost of Jack Kirby could not be reached for a comment.