Laugh and the Watchmen Laugh At You

I was flipping through the zero issue of Talon today in the shop, and I noticed something that I couldn’t believe, bothered me, made me laugh, and then made me furious, in that order. This right here:

And, look. I’ve been pretty dispassionate about the Before Watchmen thing because, hey, DC is wearing it on their cooperate sleeve about how skeevy it is. Otherwise, they might have had even one inkling of shame about putting this out.

And people, just a reminder; that thing wasn’t a joke, or a parody, or anything else. DC straight up put that shit in Previews and sent it to retailers to possibly order, which is fucking insane. But, on the same token, you kind of have to respect the sheer chutzpah of that. Oh, you liked the most widely-read comic of all time? HAVE SOME GODDAMN TOAST.

This, though, is just… it’s missing the point in a way that’s past baffling to the point of “well, hey maybe it’s a parody”. Hit the jump to see the rest. [Note- I’m not going to scan any pages of Watchmen, because, look, you’ve all read it. You know what pages I’m referring to.]

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The problem with Amethyst

So I actually made a file pertaining to Amethyst/Sword of Sorcery #0 as soon as I read it on Wednesday. But then later I saw Chris Sims had written (almost) exactly everything I wanted to say, and I felt alright about maybe not writing a post. But then this guy decided to prove how ignorant people can be, so now I’ve gotta address it.

On one hand, I’m thankful for jerks giving me writing opportunities I’m passionate about.

It took me a while to get past my initial rage (I quote, “I will pull this guy’s lungs out through his urethra”), but I think I’m calm enough to evaluate him objectively. After all, I don’t think he’s a bad guy. His heart seems to be in the right place, his head’s just wedged securely up his ass.

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First off, congratulations for pulling off a successful, both critically and commercially, trilogy. I wholeheartedly recommend Christopher Nolan’s Batman movies to everyone. Linked together, they are a masterpiece of storytelling that not many creators could pull off.

Which brings us to the point of this article, following up that work. You must be thinking about it. Marvel is raking up profits with not only their own studio but with their licensed properties as well. THE AVENGERS is the biggest movie of the year. Third of all time. And if any DC character can match that success, it’s Batman. Everyone loves Batman. How to start over though? Another dramatic take that could very well be hurt by people’s fondness for Nolan’s? A more “superhero” take to lead to a Justice League movie? All an out homage to Batman ’66? I’m suggesting the unconventional option. An Elseworlds movie.


Red Rain. Gotham By Gaslight.  In Darkest Knight. All great stories that would make incredible movies. Batman’s origin can basically happen the same way in any time period without losing an ounce of resonance. With only a few frames of screentime and the public awareness of Batman his origin can be alluded to quickly and not obtrusively. Placing Batman in a different setting gives you a way to separate the new film from the trilogy. It’d be hard for someone to think about the Nolanverse while seeing Batman facing vampires or racing though cobblestone streets in a horse-drawn carriage. And the most important factor: you can do these movies almost concurrently. Why wait three, five years between movies when you can have a whole different cast and crew working on the next while the first is still being filmed?

What my suggestion boils down to is to not let convention dictate what your next step should be. You’ll get a lot of people saying “audiences will be confused” and “everyone is expecting blah blah,” but that’s the old way. There are three viable interpretations of Sherlock Holmes active on TV and in theaters. You have a character that can function on so many levels and you control every way it could be presented. Why not exploit it?

Let Batman fly.

Attack The Site: DC Comics

DC Comics Site

Attack The Site: DC Comics
DC’s site works in so far as they mention comics often. You have an easy way to see the titles and there are a scattering of images.
The problem is the site doesn’t seem like a comics site. It looks like a bureaucratic site with slightly better design. Where is the action, where is the adventures – where is the color?
The biggest thing though is how do you introduce new readers – in the unlikely case that people have never heard of the characters where do you go? Marvel has it’s built in Wiki if nothing else. If you want to find out from DC though there is nothing to help you.
And that is a thing – comic sites should have free comics that you can read – don’t rely solely on your brand – show your talent. Have some old back issues up. Do a back catalogue like Marvel does with a few free comics each week. Become inviting for new readers.
And once more if you are going to list all of the books that you have – let people buy the books or link to retailers. Find some sort of way that you can sell the books.
I ended up emailing DC basically expressing this because I did. If anything comes out of it, I’ll let you know.

Next Week – Marvel

DC Accidentally Releases Entire Superhero Continuity On Unsuspecting Community

Paramedics are still dealing with the destruction after the general public was exposed to the entire DC continuity following accident at KlawCon in Beaver, Iowa.
“We were just sitting there minding our own business and then we saw Batman and we were like ‘oh wow it’s Batman’ and then we saw the Joker but it was a girl and then there was a long stretchy guy in red and and a stretchy guy in purple and a yellow guy in a boa and oh my god.”
Jared Willis, like many others was caught in the blast being forced to experience continuity from almost 89 years of continuity. Even fans were caught in the accident.
“I’d just gotten used to this New 52 thing,” reported Richard Smith “and then it’s like the Charleston Captain Atom and Blue Beetle showed up and my brain just started hurting. It’s like Grant Morrison and Geoff Johns were shooting their brain thoughts and knowledge pools into my headspace.”
Jim Lee, creative officer for DC and co-publisher issued a public apology hours later. “I am sorry that all of you were subject to this continuity explosion. It’s this sort of thing that made us do the new 52. Obviously though our rich continuity mines are not as secured as we thought.”
Johns then suggested that everyone affected should read some of the new Captain Atom.

DC Announces “Screw This, Comics Are Just For Kids Again”

In a shocking turn of events, Geoff Johns and Jim Lee announced they were turning away from material aimed more at adults to appeal to the children’s book market. Johns commented “Listen, we want to see books just for kids. I’m tired of all of this vitriol coming from adult readers. Boo hoo, you don’t like Starfire being slutty. Boo hoo Catwoman has sex. You know who wants to read these stories – kids.”
Johns announced that he’ll simply be adding a kid’s friendly sticker to all of the current NDCU52 books and just keep going as usual.
Other all ages comic creators like Paul Tobin and Roger Langridge expressed shock on Twitter. “While most books should be all ages, there needs to be an actual push for better all ages content,” commented Tobin. “If you want a kid’s book it isn’t about just advertising the book but it is about creating content that kid’s can read and share with their family. Also you need to secretly add in Cable every page but that is neither here nor there.”
Market analysts at DC predicted that this new move will cause a rapid loss in sales due to the fact that kid’s don’t have money.