Dan Didio Assigns All Characters Random Kinsey Scores

Justice League members with their assigned Kinsey scores from Dan Didio

In a shocking press release this morning, Dan Didio, co-publisher of DC Comics announced that all DC Superheroes were “slightly gay.”
“I was catching up on Mad Men last night and it suddenly occurred to me that I thought that I had no idea what happened to (Paul) Kinsey. So I look Kinsey up on the internet and the Internet has this Kinsey scale of gayness and it is like Hot danggity dang, I can just make every character sort of gay. And it comes with a numbering system so we can just add it to power charts that the fans like.”
The Kinsey Scale is a 8 number ranging scale from 0 to 6 with X as a non-sexual rating where lower numbers mean more heterosexuality and higher numbers mean more homosexuality meaning a 0 is purely heterosexual and 6 is purely homosexual with the numbers changing through life.
“I love breaking everything into groups and the Kinsey scale let me do that,” explained Didio. “Jim and I ended up rolling bones for each character to assign them sex numbers and now we can get some news for it. Did you know that Batman and Green Arrow are 6’s? They are probably just spooning on the satellite. And Superman is a 5 so he gets in on that too! Shade the Changing Man ended up being a 0 – who knew! And because we are doing this, it is all canon!”
Didio then displayed the famous nu-52 Justice League image with the new Kinsey chart rankings. “We are currently updating a bunch of Wikias that you guys love to run so you can check there.
While the current reaction has been stunned silence, One Million Mom has already planned to continue not buying comics .
“On a sad note, all of the Robins and Flashes are pure Xs. No sex for them!,” concluded Didio.

Didio Says New DCU Takes Place During Worldwide Slutwalk

In a shocking turn of news, Dan Didio announced that the comics media has been part of an unexpected social movement – the Slutwalk.
In response to allegations a few months ago that women who dressed “promiscuously” wanted to be raped and that it was their fault thereby excusing or partially exonerating the actions of the men. In these events where large groups of women dress promiscuously to show that it is not the clothing that is the problem but the men who would willing rape women and take advantage along with a society that praises this action in media while shunning women.
This announcement only confuses things in the DC Universe which has come under repeated controversy over the actions of several characters including Catwoman and Starfire over their somewhat ridiculous and overtly offensive sexuality. Events where Catwoman seems overly obsessed with sex with Batman in events that put her and Batman on a roof having sex raised alarms along with Starfire’s recent recharacterization which has her as an emotionless woman looking for wanton sex.
Saying that the entire incident has been part of these Slutwalks not only further confuses ideas but it shows more of a disconnect with mainstream culture.
Greg Parking, comic shop owner commented “If all of these women are dressing as sluts what does that say about all of the women who aren’t overly sexual.”
Parking went on to point out the Birds of Prey, Supergirl and almost every other female character depicted with some level of respect. Does this mean that every other woman not acting like a slut means that they don’t care about feminism or that they are so sexually repressed that they believe superhero costumes in general are slutty?
In yet another PR blunder, DC continues to dig itself deeper in a controversy that could have easily been excused by saying something like “We have messed up both in coming off as respectable people and people who respect not only female readers and readers in general.”