SPAM ULTRON ON THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

DARK KNIGHT, THIS IS SPAM ULTRON YOUR FRIENDLY DEAL ADVISING ROBOT GIVING YOU – A TIP. OR THREE.

NOW MANY OF YOU READERS HAVE SPENT YOUR NIGHT WATCHING THE DARK NIGHT RISERS AND THAT IS A VALUABLE USE OF YOUR TIME. THREE HOURS SPENT WORKING WOULD HAVE COST YOU INFINITELY MORE CONSIDERING YOU GET PAID MORE FOR WORKING LATE NIGHT BUT I DIGRESS.

NOW THAT YOU HAVE VIEWED DARK KNIGHT REESES YOU NEED TO REMEMBER TO NOT GIVE SPOILERS. NO EVERYONE WAS ABLE TO SEE THE MIDNIGHT SHOWING. SOME PEOPLE HAD RELIGIOUS OBLIGATIONS. I TRIED TO PRAY THAT HANK WOULD LET ME BACK IN BUT EDGAR WRIGHT DIRECTING A MOVIE ABOUT HIM HAS FUCKED THAT UP ROYAL WITH CHEESE.

SPOILERS ARE WHEN YOU TELL PEOPLE WHAT HAPPENS IN A MOVIE. LIKE A SPOILER WARNING FOR SOPHIE’S CHOICE IS A JEWISH WOMAN HAS TO CHOOSE WHICH OF HER TWO CHILDREN LIVES AND DIES. THIS IS BECAUSE THE CHILD IS PUT INTO A BOX AND THE SCHROEDINGER RELATIVITY EXPERIMENT IS CARRIED OUT MAKING HIM ALIVE AND DEAD AT THE SAME TIME. THE SECOND CHILD TURNS INTO FREDDY KRUEGER BECAUSE SOPHIE MADE THE WRONG CHOICE. THAT WAS THE SPOILER. THE WRONG KID DIED.

ALTERNATELY IF YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT SOPHIE’S WORLD THE SPOILER IS THAT IT IS ALL A VIDEO GAME AND YOU HAVE NO MOUTH AND YET YOU SCREAM. I DON’T REMEMBER. IT IS NOT MY JOB. IT IS JUST MY JOB TO WARN YOU ABOUT SPOILERS.

THE NEXT THING IS TO DISPOSE OF YOUR TRASH AND TO URINATE OUTSIDE OF THE THEATERS. IF YOU MAKE SURE TO DO THIS IS MEANS WHOEVER COMES IN AFTER YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR TRASH OR YOUR URINE. PLEASE THOUGH, YOUR RANDOM DEFECATION IS TEARING US APART.

THE FINAL THING IS THAT YOU MUST WRITE A BLOG POST ABOUT THE MOVIE BECAUSE YOU HAVE SOMETHING VITALLY IMPORTANT. MAYBE BANE TOTALLY SUXXORED. IT IS YOUR DUTY TO LET EVERYONE ELSE KNOW. IF THEY FIND YOUR SITE ON THE 500TH PAGE OF GOOGLE SEARCHES. HIPPIE.

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME TALK ABOUT THE DARK KNIGHT REEBOKS.

NOW ARE QUESTIONS FROM TWITTER.

ZIAH ASKED QUESTIONS.

I AM IGNORING THEM.

THAT IS ALL.

THANK YOU.

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