Real Interviews: King Oblivion, PhD

Greetings Dr. King Oblivion of the International Society of Supervillains and the recently released Supervillain Handbook!
Salutations, whelp.
Now what do you have a Ph.D. in? Or your doctorate in?
Nefarious sciences. My thesis was on turning people into gelatin. I could demonstrate on you if you want. Or don’t.
Do you mean like horse gelatin or edible stuff?
It’s made of people, so people gelatin. You could eat it if you want, I guess. I never have. I’m not one of those Venom types.
Are you one of those Lecter types who would trick people into eating themselves or family members?
Cannibalism is not in my oeuvre. I just test and jellify. What happens after that is none of my business.
Now you came out with the second edition of the Supervillain Handbook – what is that about?
It’s the ultimate expert guide to professional super-evil. You could not find a better instructor for world domination than me. But be warned: Do not step on my toes. I will make you a statue.
But don’t you need to also deal with Tumblrs now? I mean there are a few out there on being villains – for free!
If you want to take advice for your villainy career from someone who’s giving it away for free on Tumblr, that is your call. But you can be pretty well assured you will be crushed.
Now are you a pro-snake-hybrid-henchmen or against them?
Snake hybrid henchmen are a reasonable selection, as long as they fit your gimmick. Are you yourself reptilian, or have geckos for feet, or a name like The Turtle (because you encase people in shells)? Then go for it.
But why go with the gimmick – it makes you easier to catch! If you are the Snake Lord and the rare anaconda goes missing, you are going to be the main suspect!
Supervillains have gimmicks. That is the way it is. Dare you question my authority, you little zit?
But what about Evil Superman, not Bizzaro, but one from some alternate world where he is evil! Where do you get a gimmick from that?
Ultraman, you mean? He’s an evil Superman. Where do you not see the gimmick in that?
But in his own reality – there is no Superman. How can your theme be entirely based on being the evil version of someone who is nonexistant? I mean you can’t have Good …Stalin unless there is an evil Stalin that is the norm.
But he is the norm, in the universe where things happen, the one we’re in. Who told you you could think of alternate universes as anything but places where gimmicks come from? You are running headlong into thinking that will get you tied up in a sawmill, peon.
Okay. I am reaching a touchy spot apparently.
There is an order. Some may have the power to upset it (what’s up, Beyonder) but you do not.
But what about an alternate version of me that is more powerful than you that is aware of this situation right now?
Mwahahahahahahahaha! How naive.
But the very idea of a multiverse points that reality has no standard order so in infinite numbers of universes, both you and I are meeting our doom!
Let me clue you in to something, fool: There isn’t an infinite number of universes. There are only the universes we need to enact our plans. We bend them to our whims, and forget about them when they don’t apply to us. You’re not thinking like a fictional character at all.
But… how does that make you feel?
I only have one emotion: Pain. Inflicting it. On you.
Well, thank you for taking the time to not crush me like the meaningless insect that I am. Is there anything else that you would like to promote?
You can follow me on Twitter, if you wish to be warned of your impending demise, @KingOblivionPhd.
Thank you very much Dr. King and have a wonderful evening!
Bad day to you, Paul. It’s Paul, right? It’s Paul.

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