Marvel Announces “Wedding Of The Month!”!!!!!!!!!

In response to DC’s recent announcement that Wonder Woman and Superman would be engaging in a “relationship” apparently “made to last for at least 15 issues, or until we get enough hate mail that we think we need to retcon it and pretend there was a plan for that the whole time”, Marvel has come forward with its own announcement. Two of their biggest superheroes will get together in what Steve Wacker, when not defending his company from scurrilous remarks written online in comics’ blogs, called the “wedding of the month. Hell, maybe even the two-month. What’s that called, again? A fort-night? That, then.” Insiders at Marvel have given a short-list of superheroes that might tie the knot, or at the very least, share a few kissing panels before their relationship goes the way of H.A.T.E.

The characters are: Spider-Man, Fin Fang Foom, Dr. Doom, Squirrel Girl, Scarlet Witch, Zombie, Millie the Model, Wolverine, Spider Woman, The Prowler, The Wendigo, The Walrus, and H.E.R.B.I.E.

Already, excited fans are dutifully buying all 78 variant covers, one for each pairing of characters, in preparation for the mega-crossover event of the summer: Avenger-X-Men-Spider-Monster-Robot Wedding, an event planned to last 15 issues. In response to this, Marvel Architect, Brian Michael Bendis, corrected: “It’s planned for 15 issues, but, I mean, you get into a groove, you know? You get into a groove, and you know what happens? You get into a groove and the words just keep flowing. They keep. Flowing. And then all of a sudden, hey, maybe it’s an 18 issue series. You never know. You. Never. Know. You just never know, you know?”

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