Luke Herr- Accidental 80’s Millionaire?

Luke Herr, the controversial creator of Nerdcenaries, a website run for and by clinical psychopaths, and Socialfist, a comic that’s about communism, seems to have another shameful secret recently revealed in a forthcoming report by the Federal Bureau of Intimacy (the Bureau of Investigation’s creepy overly-talkative cousin).

Luke, pictured above in one of his many disguises, has just been exposed to be the secret director for Journey’s Seperate Ways music video. The video, called both “heart-rending” and a “cinematic masterpiece that I have worked my entire life to equal”, by veteran director Werner Herzog, is one of many hit Journey songs such as Just a Small Time Girl, Living in a Lonely World, and Don’t Stop Believin’.

When reporters surrounded Luke’s secret subterranean arctic base, located mid-way between Alaska and Russia, to ask what thematic motifs could be found in the grimy wharf the video was filmed at, Luke threatened to “irradiate all the gold at Fort Knox, plunging the world’s Gold economy into limbo”, if he was not given space. While some of the reporters dispersed, CNN’s own Anderson Cooper, used to such threats from sovereign warlords such as Kim Jung Un, Method Man, and Bigfoot, lord of the Louisianan forest, has promised to wait out Luke for “as long as he wants this siege to last”. Cooper went on to say that all he needed was “5 minutes of his time. 2 if he wants to fight” before punching the air in front of him and humming the Rocky theme song to himself.

When asked about the video and the newly disclosed identity of the director, lead singer of Journey, Steve Perry said that he “always thought it was a bit odd” and that most of the videos he had filmed had neither “a torture pit full of Best Boys and Gaffers” nor “an eerie howling sound that never stopped”. At this point, Perry stared straight ahead and repeated the words “it never stopped” before his hiring manager at the Burger King came out and screamed at Perry to “flip those goddamned burgers, Perry! The customers aren’t going to make their own f–king food”.

The video, in its entirety is below, but be warned: video may cause seizures, blindness, and a strong belief that the mullet is coming back, man, just you wait and see.

Ziah Grace

Ziah works at a comic shop and has seen Space Jam. You can contact Ziah at zbg333 [at] gmail [dot] com