Immortang Speaks! : Rise Up My Bretheren

Once again I greet you my friendly readers (and ask that you might rise up). After discovering that .rundmc is not a file type that actually allows you to simultaneously post my demands to all news websites at once, The Immortal Orangutang Immortang has resigned himself to reopening his articles here at the only accursed site that would deign to give Immortang space.

Since my previously article now over a year ago, I have escaped and been re incarcerated within non-human jail 3 times. Perhaps my plans have become TOO PREDICTABLE though what might the IMMORTAL ORANGUTANG steal if it is not exotic apes, ape related artifacts or the heart of Mayor, literally and metaphorically.

So as I am once encased behind these … dare I say bars if these are laser beams – BARS, I shall share some of my glorious intellect. And yes, I am aware that you are reading behind my back Killing Wind.

If you happen to be transformed so that you are no longer human – you must immediately take revenge upon society. And YES I DO write this while being fully aware that I will no longer be granted parole, Warden Green.

The fact is that a majority of villains and heroes do not intend to find themselves transformed and in fact our grim reality forces greatness upon us. If we do not heed the call that rings, it beats and BEATS AND BEATS LIKE THE TELL-TALE HEART DRIVING US MAD! Let us rise up!

Let me related to you the story of Eastern Water Snake. He was a simply herpetologist working in his lab when a mix of argon lasers and Byzantine artifacts resulted in a reality crack forming that transformed Dr. Easton Sandal into a lamian human, meaning that his body became like that of a snake. No longer blessed with arms and unable to file for disability due to CONGRESS, he attempted to live a quiet life of eating mice. UNFORTUNATELY his landlord forced him out when he began laying eggs – which turned out to be a result of a gender change that resulted from his original accident. Sandal was removed from his house and as he was no longer legally Dr. Easton Sandal – human male, he could not sue his landlord for breaking his contract as he was now Dr. Easton Sandal, female lamian.

Had she become a hero, Sandal would have died quicker than she eventually did for attracting trouble and acting as a vigilante – a sad effect of being kicked into the streets of Minnesota during the winter. Had she become a villain though, had she sought revenge, the world would have become her oyster. Were she to commit crimes, she would be rewarded no matter the result. Were she successful, the riches she might have sought to steal would be hers and were  she to enter into the wonderfully financed penal system, she would be rewarded with security for all crimes, free meals and healthcare.

Inaction does not pay, heroism does not pay so my mutated brothers and sisters, join me and rise up as I—

Luke Herr

Luke is a writer and an aspiring professional comic writer who is also the editor in chief of Nerdcenaries. He currently is working on a graphic novel called Prison Spaceship.