By Jordan Neves
NEW YORK, NY – DC shocked the comics world today when it announced its new controversial stance about portraying women: That is, that they aren’t going to bother with it anymore.
“We’ve been hearing the backlash from fans and have definitely taken note,” said premier DC artist Jim Lee, “but changing our ways so soon and so broadly is difficult. Why expect us to draw Catwoman without her zipper down to her belly? Or a girl in clothing an average person could wear comfortably? We feel we will be serving our fans better by staying away from the issue altogether.”
“Unfortunately, drawing our female characters with any sort of discretion or dignity is just far too cost-prohibitive,” Said Editor-in-chief Dan DiDio. “Plus, we just don’t want to do it.”
“Frankly, all these strong, independent women should be able to choose what they wear, so I don’t know what the big deal is,” said Red Hood writer and grown man Scott Lobdell in regards to DC’s many fictional females. “But it will be a relief to write for male characters exclusively.”
When made aware that other creators have been successfully writing and drawing non-sexualized females for years, DiDio replied, “That may work for small-market writers like Dan Clowes and Mike Mignola, but I don’t see their characters appearing in smash-hit blockbuster movies like Green Lantern.”
Key to the announcement was that none of the DC Universe’s numerous female characters will actually disappear. The company plans on retaining their copyrights in a most unusual way. “We’ll be replacing all of them with males in the same roles,” said Lee. “Of course, with this change comes fresh, brand-new costume designs; We just felt uncomfortable drawing the same costumes on men. It’s funny, I don’t know why.”
“It will definitely be a challenge writing practically new characters,” said Catwoman writer Judd Winick, “but it will be the real shot-in-the-arm that the industry has needed this past couple of months.”
In response to the many fans put off by this decision, DiDio simply responded “We’re glad our comics have people talking about these issues.”
The change is expected to take full effect in January.