Ok so what if I told you that eating a fruit could keep you away from the doctors. You’d probably be like “is this one of those click bait articles where you use a picture of a spider-penis so we click and then find out it is something we can only get if you live in New York City or Farmer’s Market, IA?”
No, you see the secret about this super food is so dangerous and important because this superfood is available almost anywhere and so we had to pay to get this article up on a website about *insert site topic here*.
We are going to put the name here for you. Click it and then close the window because otherwise doctors will come in and break your computer. Ok, so you saw it. I know you might be like “shit while I enjoy those in pies and also on crackers with peanut butter, what is so dangerous?”
The truth is 9/10 doctors are cursed with a magical spell that will make them murder you if you even mention it in front of them. This super food is so secret that even Snopes took down their page because of so many doctor murders and also the Internet Doctors took it down.
Now that you know the secret you might be like “well I am going to tell everyone I know except Ted because he’s a doctor I think. I remember him going to medical school but I don’t remember if he graduated. In fact, where is he these days?” Ted is outside your door. The doctors called and told him you have seen the article and the secret. He is going to kill you if you let him inside but remember the first rule of the Hemopacrattic Oath – they can’t come in unless you invite them inside.
Quick, do you remember that bottle of real Champaign that you got from your cousin at Christmas? Pour that on your doorstep right now. Oh right, damn, I forgot that you had that a few days after you got it. Ok, then get that boxed wine that you’ve had sitting on your basement stairs. Take the bag from the box, cut open a corner and then pour all of that onto Ted’s shoes.
Did he burst into flames? Shit. Ted is too far gone. He is more doctor than man. Run to your garage and grab a welding torch. Oh right you never got around to buying one with the holidays. Well shit, I’m not sure how to help you. Might as well just eat that super food before old wino shoes Ted, Ph.D comes in to murder your ass.
This has been paid content by Manzana Mañana.